Betty ford says i'm here all night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
