I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my liver is dry heaving
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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