well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
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He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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