just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
