The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
