i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
