Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
