is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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