what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
