We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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