just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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