hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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