I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
