U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize