you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
did i walk over a car last night?
then he tried to convert me to islam
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
