Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
