If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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