Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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