Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
