The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
