my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
