so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
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She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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