did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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