he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
