i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
