im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
