I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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