I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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