nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
