dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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