I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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