So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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