dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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