I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
