No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
