She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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