I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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