I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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