every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You can't special order awesome
barbara walters just said penis...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
