he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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