some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
