i can't believe i had my finger in that
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
