with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
