Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
