i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
