i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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