I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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