You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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