Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
