Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm passing your future prison.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
