Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
50% drunk capacity currently
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
