im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
