Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
