i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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