hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
