Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
