Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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