just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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