We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
