He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
