remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
