Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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