I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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