I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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