Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
