so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
