is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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