Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
