if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
