y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
