You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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