My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
