What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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