cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
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i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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